So I've been thinking a lot about relationships, past, present, future and what not. When we are younger we are giving this picture of love. That picture often includes some sort of fairy tale of a prince, princess, kiss and happily ever after. As we grow older, especially as women, society tries to tell us that our worth is in achieving this fairy tale, so we spend much of our teens, twenties, and thirties figuring out how to achieve this. We stay in toxic relationships way too long, or maybe they aren't even toxic but that expiration date was long overdue. Believe me when I say, if it has expired and you know it, let it go and move on...I mean who keeps expired things around, eventually, you have to throw it out!
Anyway, I recently had a conversation with one of my "sisterfriends" about her love for the new man in her life, she mentioned how great he makes her feel. Listen, I'm all for it and I'm happy for her! When you find or have someone in your life that just the thought of them makes you smile, cherish it...but I also got to thinking about how love, real love has to be more than just a feeling. Here's the thing, feelings can pass and even more so, different people can make you "feel" good, so when does love become more than the fairy tale?
This week, I picked up the book The Five Love Languages-Singles Edition. Now, let me say that I've probably had this book for about five years now, but changes in my life lead me to reread it and I see it differently, (maybe I'm a little more objective since past experiences in the last five years have taught me a lot) anyway, the author says that there are two types of love 1) euphoric passionate love- this is the love that takes place when all you do is think about the other person, the butterflies, tingles...always happy love. It's the fairytale love, the one that we always think we will live in...the "happily ever after". Then there is the second type of love, the covenant love. He says that covenant love is "intentional love, it is a commitment to love no matter what. This love requires action and thought, and does not require emotion to do so but this love chooses to look at for the interest of the other because you are committed to their well-being". This is the love that I'm referring to, the love that requires more than a feeling, that love that you fight for even when you don't feel like it. The love that requires you to examine yourself and your insecurities, it requires you to dig deeper within yourself so that you have the capacity to love the other person deeper.
This love is more than the fairytale it's genuine, it's authentic and it's real. This is the love that I strive for and the love that I want to give...it's just LOVE!