So I recently came across the video, also known as #HurtBae, and like many people that or rather my friends it was hard to watch it. It was really hard because it’s hard to watch a person that you once were. It’s hard to watch that "twentysomething" young lady sit in heartbreak and cry out to someone who frankly moved on from the relationship, while still in the relationship. The whole time I was watching it, I just wanted to yell STOP!! But then I remembered that I was there before, I was once that hurt and broken young lady, hurt from repeatedly trying to give your heart to someone or people that weren’t ready for it and if I can give advice to my twenty-something self, the one who identified with the pain it would be this…
1. Your tears matter! - Your tears and pain matter, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. People may not understand your pain, and why you’re crying for someone that doesn’t deserve it, but don’t let that stop you from your tears. Nothing is worse than holding in pain because you’re worried about what others think.
2. You can’t live in someone else’s potential- Meaning, you cannot live your life, waiting for the potential that you see in someone or something. Especially a relationship, even more so, especially a relationship with someone that doesn’t see value in you or the relationship. When you find yourself doing this, you will always find yourself waiting and hoping for something that is not meant to be.
3. Never dim your light so that someone else can shine! - Never ever dim your light so that someone else can shine. Meaning, never put your hopes, dreams and goals to the side so that someone else can shine. In a true healthy relationship, you both are supporting each others dreams and goals. I get that there may be times in which sacrifice takes place, but don’t ever extinguish your dreams so that someone else can live there’s.
4. Understand options vs priorities- Please, please, please understand what it means to be an option versus a priority! This especially rings true when you’re prioritizing someone that only see’s you as an option. When this happens, it’s time to change your priorities, reevaluate what matters in your life and start to get your priorities straight. If someone wants you to be in your life they will make it happen. If someone wants to see you they will find a way, if they want to talk to you they will. Don’t ever confuse someone else’s lack of effort to have you in your life with the value of how wonderful you’re! They lost not you!
5. Close your own door. - Listen, you can’t look for people to give you closure in situations. Stop looking for those who hurt you to give you closure on why they did it. That’s like touching fire and asking it why did it burn you. God also gave us feet, use them to kick the door shut of needed. Closure happens from within.
6. Love yourself! - I know that this is cliché, but you have to love yourself! I know you know that you’re a great person, but do you truly know and love yourself? Take time to know who you are. What do you like to do, who are the friends that you surround yourself with? What is it that you don’t like, what’s your love language, do you even want or are you ready for a relationship and what that entails. Loving yourself is one of the most important things that you can do, the faster you learn this is better off all your relationships (not just romantic) will be.
Also, remember to take time to heal. Sometimes healing from the pain is almost as hard as going though it. Wounds that are deep have a longer healing time and need care, take that time to make sure you’re are not walking around with an open wound infecting others who come into contact with you. We all experience pain and heartache is one of the worst types of pain, but believe me when I say one day you will wake up and it will be better, one day you will wake up and realize that you haven’t thought about it and that your heart is a little bit stronger and full to give and love again.
Have you watched the video? How did it make you feel? Also, what advice would you give to someone in this same situation?