In my thirty-five years on this earth I've learned a lot about myself in regards to relationships. I've learned that I tend to enter into relationships heart first and mental second, I give people the benefit of the doubt way too much, I say how I feel even when someone hasn't quite met that "level" to appreciate it (if I miss someone I tell them, want to see them I ask, mad I'll let you know) and I've learned that when your willing to put your heart out there, you have to be willing to take the joy and the pain.
More importantly, I'm learning that when you are taking the leap to chase after your dreams or take control of your life, the person who you choose to let into your heart has to be someone special enough to support and encourage you through it. Here are some lessons I've learned or rather I'm continuing to learn when it comes to relationships and purpose.
1. When people show you who they are believe them!- This is a very hard lesson for me. I tend to look at the goodness in people, so it's hard to truly see people for all that they are vs. what I want them to be. But, when people show you who they are you have to believe them. They will show you through their actions and words. They will show you by how they treat you and you have to be able to make the choice of what you allow in your life. Believe me, after a while you will get sick of being treated less than you deserve or you will be happy that you found someone that is willing to treat you even better than you imagined.
2. Focus on the positive (but be smart)!- A close sister friend (sista friend- sista from another mother) is opening herself up to a new relationship and during a conversation, I asked her to stop focusing on what can be considered the "negative" and focus on enjoying the experience.
A lot of times because of past heartbreaks we tend to focus on the things that remind us of that hurtful situation because we want to guard our hearts from experiencing that again. The problem with that is we can be so focused on guarding our hearts that don't let other see us for awesome person that we are. Allow yourself to focus on enjoying the experience and if you find that it's not an enjoyable experience, let it go.
3. Be willing to close your own doors!- Speaking of letting go, sometimes we have to be willing to close our own doors (that's why we have hands and feet if you need to kick it closed). When it comes to ending a relationship, nothing is worse than waiting for the other person to give you closure. Listen up, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS IN CHARGE OF CLOSING THAT CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE! No one is really going to give you the closure that you need.
I'm someone that has hard time letting go, because when I let people in that means that I truly like that person or care. So it hurts knowing that it may not have been reciprocated in the same way and having to admit that hurts more. I mean lets be real. who wants to admit that you took a chance in letting your heart feel for someone and they were basically like...uhhh..nope. But guess what, just like you had the power to allow yourself you feel for that person, you have the power to take control of your thoughts and emotions and close that door.
4. Patience is a virtue- Here's the deal, when you are ready to enter a real long lasting relationship with someone, patience is key when building that relationship. Building strong relationship foundations take time and truthfully sometimes time is needed for you to truly see if this is someone that you want to be with.
Be patient with the process of getting to know someone. If you feel that the relationship is growing into the direction that you like and that it is building you up instead of tearing you down great! If not, reevaluate it and make the choice that works best for you.
5. Understand your worth!- I can only speak from my own experience, but there have been times when I allowed myself to stay in a situation long past its due date. It could of been because I allowed my heart to get connected to someone that I shouldn't have, I wanted to see a situation or relationship not for its face value but for the potential that I wanted it to be, I was lonely..etc. But I'm currently learning that you can't make anyone see what they don't want to see or choose you when they are focused on choosing someone else.
Take it from me, when someone wants you in their life, they will make an effort to keep you there and when they see you as an option you will be treated as one. You have to understand your worth and understand that the "rejection" that you're experiencing will not break you down. Besides, why would you want to have someone in your life that doesn't value you as a person, friend or more. Why try to keep someone in your life that can care less if they are in it. #message
6. You will know when you know!- Let me preface, I know that it's hard to keep being open when you keep getting let down (TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND THIS MORE THAN ANYONE). It's hard to believe in something that you never experienced, but I'm a firm believer that when that person does enter your life, you will know because of the time and effort they are willing to put forth to have you in their life. They won't want to go thru a day without knowing if your okay and how your day is going. They won't be worried meeting other people to start relationships with because they will want to start building with you, they will value what you bring into their life and vice versa. You won't have to question where you stand and what their motives are because they will let you know. You won't feel like an "sometime option" or a "text you when I'm bored" you will know where you stand.
This is the person that you want in your life as you build and walk in your purpose. because they will there to support you thru the good and the bad. They will encourage you to keep pushing and be they will be your sounding board, just like you won't think twice about being there for them. They will be your "purpose mate" and you will be theirs.
If you're finding yourself in a situation in which you're constantly questioning where you stand and if this person cares, do me a favor and let it go! I know it's harder than said than done especially if you care about this person, but why give someone the benefit of staying in your life when they aren't making an effort to let you know that they want to truly be there.
Even more so, don't allow someone to block your view of who you're truly meant to be with because you're so focused on fighting for something that's not meant to be. Your purpose and your heart depend on it. Take it from me, a hopeless romantic that is learning lessons but still believing!